Problems with my Father in law?
April 122010
So I have been married for a little over a year. When we got married we moved down the street from my parent in laws and shortly after my sister in law moved in right next door to me. My husband also worked with his father and his father was in charge of the housing that we were renting from. We all went to church together and saw eachother daily!! things were fine for a bit but then my husband and I would have arguments and he would leave for the night and stay at his parents. My problem with them is that while he was there they would prepare his favorite dinner and buy him all his favorite snacks. I would expect that they would say well youve been here for a couple hours its time to go home and make things right..anyways. After this happening so many times I took our two kids ages 5 and 3 months and moved two hours away back to my moms house, he also moved back in with his parents.. We were talking about getting divorced and in the meantime he enrolled in a school in Arizona…we live in Utah. So things went on and one day we decided to work it out we had about a month before he moved to Arizona. I plan on moving down in the next month or so. But what bothers me is that when he moved he took his dads 5th wheel because we will be staying in a KOA and his dad insisted on driving down with him…when I asked I was told no that he didnt want to worry about me or the kids until he got settled in. So they got to the camp spot and got things all set up and his dad told him he did not feel safe with him staying at this camp because it was kinda scary. So him and his dad went out and found a nicer one and his dad said that he will pay the difference that it will cost(about $100) a month. So my huband has been down there for just a little over a week and this coming weekend his father is insisting on going down again to help fix the door on the trailer, which is stupid cause my husband fixes semis and tractors for a living, i think he can fix a door!! He is also going to make sure he gets into the new campground ok….which is only 5 miles away and to being my husband a TV cause his is broke. When he moved he said he thinks it will do our marriage some good because we can only rely on one another, but the way it seems to me is that his father is pushing himself on to my husband and it really annoys me. When I told my husband how I felt he said his dad just wants to be nice and that he dont want to hurt his feelings by telling him not to come, and that I need to not make a big deal out of it. Does anyone have any comments on how to deal or what I could say to my husband to make him see that this may hurt our marriage. Or what I could say to my father in law? I appreciate everything he has done but I need my husband to take care of me and my kids and how can he do that when his dad wont let him grow up.. He is 23 and I am 24 thank you!
Wait until the day before his dad is scheduled to drive home,
and then go down.
You would only have to see him for a day. He could see the
grand-kids. The door is fixed. Dad is on his way home.
Everyone is happy.
Best wishes
April 13th, 2010 at 12:32 am
Oh boy!! Well the first thing that comes into my mind is this: "a man shall leave his parents and cleave onto his wife."
Your husband’s family is way too involved in your business, and the proper protocol when you have an argument is to pray and sort it out. When he goes to his parent’s, he is bringing them in into your fight. It should be that when you have an argument, no one should know about it except you two and God. Did you attend marriage counseling?… I would definitely recommend it because this topic (about your position and his family’s position) seems to be a big problem and he may need an outsider’s perspective on why what he is doing is wrong.
This sounds almost like Everybody Loves Raymond. I feel for you girl because I know that must be frustrating!
I hope all the best for you though.. Don’t give up, but remain steadfast in prayer and trust in God.
God bless you!
References :
Reading the Word
April 13th, 2010 at 12:52 am
Well this could go two ways one being your husband needs to grow up and be a man! The other way I am leaning towards is you should be totally ok with his father coming around to help. But however some red flags were set off by what you said. It sounds to me anytime your husband has a problem he runs to mommy and daddy. That isn’t good so for that reason I would make him prove to you he has grown a pair before you move back with him. Until then if I were in your shoes I would not chance it. Because nobody likes to repeat the same cycle over and over again.
Just come out and tell him point blank you want a man not a child and you want a man who not only acts like a man but plays the part. Not one that is always up his parents ass. I had a problem with one of my ex’s and it was his mother always up in our biz so I left him I could not stand it anymore. She still is around him constant so I made the right choice by not taking him back. If you think trying to play your cards right and laying it out on the table just how things are going to be if you go back is worth it then go for it. If he isn’t showing any improvement then I would stay where you are until he does and if he never does and the same things keep taking place then I think you know what you need to do then.
References :
April 13th, 2010 at 1:23 am
Wait until the day before his dad is scheduled to drive home,
and then go down.
You would only have to see him for a day. He could see the
grand-kids. The door is fixed. Dad is on his way home.
Everyone is happy.
Best wishes
References :